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by Shirley Taylor and Alison Lester
If we are honest, many of us would admit that we sometimes send an e-mail when we know it would be better to pick up the phone or walk over to a colleague's desk to pass on a message. Is it any wonder, then, that we have become less effective when we do open our mouths? However, personal interaction is at the heart of developing truly effective business relationships, and developing relationships is what will make us more successful.
If you are to develop strong relationships, you need to make sure people are willing to interact with you. So being liked is certainly an advantage. Here's our advice for increasing your likeability and developing great relationships.
- Enhance your credibility
Your success will often depend on convincing people of your point of view. For this, you need credibility, and the route to credibility is not only paved with knowledge and experience, but also with relationships. Making successful connections - connections that you can count on when you have new ideas and goals - require an ability to gain respect, create trust, and build rapport. Credibility comes with transparency, engagement, and honest hard work.
- Be consistent
People tend to trust others who act in a consistent and fair manner, and will avoid joining forces with those who don't. If you welcome a staff member's idea in a meeting, and then the next day you respond harshly instead, you'll be seen as unpredictable, and your staff won't know if participating in meetings is safe or not. Only consistent people can expect consistent results from the people they communicate with.
- Find common interests
When you make an effort to discover common interests and experiences, you can build on these commonalities. For example, notice things on your colleague's desk - a photo or an interesting object from a holiday. Perhaps you'll also have story to share. Show an interest in the periodicals they are reading. Perhaps you'll learn something new that you can discuss. Ask them how they spent their weekend. Perhaps you can exchange restaurant recommendations.
- Make others feel important
Respecting others' feelings is one of the most fundamental rules of developing relationships. This will help you make friends and enhance your reputation as a communicator. Everyone likes to be recognised and appreciated. Show this in the way you treat other people and it will help you reap many rewards.
Feeling unimportant is extremely de-motivating. If you have ever felt like the boss doesn't notice you, then you'll know what we're talking about. If you are a manager, make an effort to talk to your staff, and not always about business. Ask them about their families, their goals for themselves, their upcoming holiday. Listen to them. Show you are approachable. They will appreciate your effort, and enjoy working for you. At the same time, you will learn more about your team and will pick up important information that will help you guide and motivate them.
- Share some humour
Humour releases tension and adds glue to relationships. If we laugh at the same things, it means we have common feelings and perceptions, and we feel a sense of mutual understanding. However, humour can also damage relationships. You may be dismayed upon discovering that a colleague or client finds something funny that you find distasteful, or embarrassed to find yourself laughing alone in a meeting. This danger is no reason to avoid humour, however. Stick to safe areas - such as making jokes about yourself - and you will be successful.
- Show humility
While confidence is a desirable trait, so indeed is humility. Just as arrogance is actually weakness disguised as confidence, humility is not weakness; it is strength. When you are truly confident, you will be humble enough to take responsibility for any missteps or errors in judgement. You will know that we all have lots to learn at every step of the way through life, and this humility will keep you open to new information and experiences.
- Be courteous
We are astonished how discourteous people can be in the office. These discourtesies range from not saying hello to colleagues in the morning to outright rudeness. Many people who behave this way will say that work pressures have made them distracted and irritable. It's true; we're all busy. But being busy doesn't take away our desire for, and our right to, a harmonious workplace. We can all get our work done best when communication is founded on mutual respect. Discourtesies interrupt the flow of work, and lead to greater frustration rather than less. Courtesy is the oil that keeps the engine of any relationship running smoothly.
If it's your goal to become a more effective communicator and develop stronger relationships, it's worth taking stock of where you are right now, increasing your awareness, and being perfectly honest with yourself. A little fine-tuning, a few adjustments, and you can transform your interpersonal skills, increase your confidence, and build positive, lasting relationships.
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